Buddha rocks. About time Buddhism mirrored Christianity and embraced secular corruption. Millions of hypermanic youth can't be wrong. If something more ancient than time itself becomes "uncool," just modify the hell out of it until it befriends your Chuck Taylors and witty graphic T-shirt.
There are many stories of Buddha's origin, but the grossly abridged version is predictably the best. Essentially, there lived a young boy named Sid who was unhappy with the world. Everywhere he looked there were unhappy people chasing impossible dreams and reaching new levels of lunacy like having different iPods for different situations. He quickly realised that people were inherently stupid, pursuing infinite apparitional goals that became less achievable the closer they approached.
He exclaimed loudly "Fuck this!" (or words to that effect). Equipped with the coping skills of a six year old boy, he ran into the metaphorical forest to sit under an equally metaphorical tree and ponder his new predicament. After an elasped three days or so, he became bored and wanted to go home.
At that point, and without any fanfare, he discovered The Middle Way. No, not another pretentious cafe in Perth, rather a realisation that moderation was the key to life. The multiple iPod owner was idiotic but the tree shrouded thinker equally so. Defining something as good or bad was merely a choice made in your own mind, quite distinct from the reality that it was neither.
Quoting The Age's Catherine Deveny (Australia's equivalent to Buddha): "nothing is ever as good or bad as you think it will be."
Or is it? The problem with humans is we're too smart for our own good. Too lazy to walk, we invent a four wheeled device that transports us from home to work whilst perforating the ozone layer along the way. When it comes to choosing one, the smart human has already decided yet still undergoes the arduous ritual of buying magazines laden with bikini clad girls to "read the comparison tests." He painstakingly wades through voluptuous mounds of information sub-consciously ignoring negative reports until he convinces himself of his pre-determined choice.
Reality is no match for the persuasiveness of cognitive dissonance. It's our best attribute - the ability to convince ourselves of truth that doesn't exist.
So why can't we use this for positive effect? That grumpy bastard at work, maybe he's had a fight with his wife. That dickhead in the imported Japanese car, maybe he pulled in front at the traffic light because he's late for the birth of his first child. Yeah right. It would make no difference which way you swung, except if you chose the positive you'd be spared the premature squirt of adrenaline that compresses your lifespan by at least half a day.
Maybe the best choice is neutrality. Take a lesson from Buddha - he went crazy so you don't have to. Not everything in life happens for a reason, bad things happen with surprisingly similar frequency to the good. Apply cognitive dissonance and suddenly "only bad things happen to me." How tragic. With the same effort, you could convince yourself of the opposite. It's a miracle, your life is now filled with rainbows and small leprechauns.
Dishonest? Who cares. Embrace your human flaw and let the pendulum swing in your favour for a change, it's instinctively trying to find the middle way.
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