"A mighty pain to love it is
and tis a pain that pain to miss
But of all pains, the greatest pain
It is to love, but love in vain."
Abraham Cowley "Anacreontiques"
Unrequited love. Poetry makes it out to be one of the most romantic notions of modern culture.
What a load of shit.
It's about romantic as smearing your testicles in peanut butter and running into a dog pound.
There tends to be an attraction inequality in every relationship. One partner always loves the other just that little bit more. And everyone wants to be the receiver. Which means there has to be the giver or "the bitch."
"The bitch" is gender independent. There have been many male partners who are "the bitch".
On first glance, this attraction inequality seems unfair and detrimental especially to the unlucky partner who fulfills the role of "the bitch." It may seem that an inequity of emotion will only lead to one partner being taken advantage of, resulting in rebellion and the demise of the relationship.
But this underestimates the power of inequality.
Inequality allows the relationship to grow. It expands it by it's ability to pull "the bitch" towards the receiving partner. The receiver sets the bar which "the bitch" strives to conform to. Both partners then become closer and the relationship expands.
But how unfair, and how one sided that the bitch is always having to compromise and sacrifice for their partner?
The beauty is, it's a dynamic process where the role of "the bitch" and the receiver is constantly changing. So each person, at different times, will use their individual strengths to nuture and develop both the other partner and the relationship as a whole.
Of course, static attraction inequality also exists. This is where one person is always "the bitch" and gazes at their partner with puppy dog eyes. Whether limerance or love, it usually ends in one way. "The bitch" compromises themselves regularly in order to keep the relationship alive whilst the reciever becomes complacent, secure in the knowledge that "the bitch" will be limerantly attached no matter what.
So while unrequited love can be a positive thing, it more commonly acts as a relationship filter. It ends relationships that are destined for failure due to a unchangeable attraction inequality.
If you are sick of being "the bitch", rest assured that with six and a half billion people on earth, there are high odds of finding someone who loves you more than you do in return.
And if you haven't found them yet, there's only one thing to do.
Keep looking.
2 comments:
Dear Marcster,
Do tell me to piss off from your blog if you want to. It's your space. I'm only filling in the comments section to let you know that I appreciate having something other than "super-poke" comments to read. Really, keep it up.
I think love is a wonderful thing. Unfortunately, it is often twisted and messed up by circumstance. In its pure form I believe in it, because I have to. What else is there?
Unrequited love I personally think is unfulfilled, unproductive and delusional. If you love someone then do something about it - and if you're the person who feels ambivalent than you have duty to say so. Unfortunately the slight differences that come in the subtleties of unequal love are so much harder to navigate in. But hey, isn't negotiation a relationship? If you think you can almost match your desire for each other - and more importantly, match your effort for each other - I think you've got a good thing going. If not, then sooner or later, someone is going to wind up unhappy.
But really, Marcster, this is your blog and me harping on about crap is not your concern. Peace.
Thankyou cazorp. I too believe true love exists - a internal desire to accept someone for exactly the way they are without qualification.
I just think that at various stages, one partner will always want the other more, thus creating an inequality that either grows and stifles the relationship.
This is your point I think, that each party needs to match their effort for each other in order for growth to happen.
It's just unfortunate that people are motivated by all kinds of different things, and not always by true love.
Your thoughts on the subject are appreciated.
Post a Comment